


Like mother, like son?

by Reading_Today_Away (orphan_account)



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Childhood Memories, Confusion, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-01-02 18:01:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Reading_Today_Away
Summary: They say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, but Kaz is nothing like his father, so it kind of makes sense that his cunning comes from his mother...right?Also known as: A woman claiming to be Kaz's mother shows up and it's not good for anyone, least of all Kaz. She acts like Kaz Brekker, but is she just mimicking him or is evil in his genes?Basically just an excuse to explore Kaz's repressed feeling about his childhood and force him to open up to him friends while playing around with the fact that the book says very little about his mother.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm going to try to update once or twice a week. I have a general outline of the story so it will be finished, but my schedule varies week to week so regular updates are impossible. Also this is the first piece of writing I am sharing with anyone. So that's exciting and nerve-wrecking! If this basic plot/idea has been done before, I am sorry. I have not seen something like this anywhere so ideas are not copied from anyone else's work. I know Kaz is a bit out of character, but I need him and Inej to have progressed a little in their relationship, so while he hasn't overcome his fear of touch, he is opening up in other ways. Lastly, this is obviously not canon compliant. Done with the disclaimers, on to the story!

Kaz watches the first snowflakes fall with satisfaction. He’s been waiting for the winter chill to spread through Ketterdam. The shuttering of windows against the morning cold is music to his ears. Lamps burn inside houses, trying to stave off the dark. The streets are void of pedestrians. Anyone who can afford other transportation has acquired it. Anyone who cannot has fled to warmth inside a building. The air is heavy with resignation. The first snow is falling. Winter is finally here. 

Despite the sharp ache the cold leaves in his knee, the slowing of business, and the annoying sound of the Dregs sniffling, Kaz is thrilled. Jesper would say it’s because the weather finally matches his chilly demeanor. Kaz would say it is because winter slows down business in the Barrel for all but the Dregs. It’s a perfect time to get ahead. But, if he’s being honest, it is because of the ports.

Winter creates dangerous sea-travel. For the last few days, boats have been streaming in, claiming a stop in the harbor where they will stay for the winter. While some captains and their crews face the hazardous seas, most will dock. Just like in the Barrel, business slows down. So, if Kaz is being honest with himself, it is because of Inej. 

It’s always Inej, he thinks fondly, scanning the harbor for any sign of the Wraith’s sails. He’s disappointed, but not discouraged when he doesn’t see it. She’ll be here eventually. After months away at sea, he’ll finally get to see her again. Though he hasn’t made much progress with taking his gloves off, he has taken some of his armor off. They’ve been exchanging letters while she’s been away and he has opened up to her more than he has to anyone. 

With Inej back in Ketterdam for the winter and business slowed, they will finally have time to be together. Though Kaz still has a gang to run and Inej will continue to fight slavers from the shore, they will be in the same city for the first time in months. With this thought in mind, he walks back to the Slat. 

He barely makes it to the stairs before the newest errand boy, Lucas, is at his heels and just three steps behind him, Evi, as if he needs two people to tell him whatever news they have. Lucas and Evi are new to the Dregs. Both orphans, they joined as the weather got colder and finding heat and food became harder. That’s another benefit winter brings: new recruits.

“Someone’s here to see you.” Lucas says, bouncing up the stairs. It makes Kaz angry to see him climb them so easily while the sharp pain in his knee makes it impossible to climb any faster. He pushes the thought away. It’s not a weakness; everyone knows he’s more than capable of maintaining order. 

“It takes both of you to tell me that?” Kaz questions. “Stadwatch or gang affiliated?” 

Lucas looks to Evi. Maybe it does take both of them, Kaz thinks. He’ll have to get someone to train these two. No one stays at the Slat for free. 

“Neither.” Evi says. Lucas nods along. Odd, he thinks. No self-respecting mercher would show up here and anyone unimportant would have been taken care of by one of the senior members of the Dregs.

“Well, then who is it?” He asks as they reach the top of the stairs.

“Lara Meyer?” Evi says. Kaz doesn’t recognize the name. He’s certain if she was important he would know, yet she must’ve said something interesting if her request to see him is reaching his ears.

“And?” He presses. 

“She said you know each other.” Evi says tentatively. “She said you’d want to see her?”

Interesting indeed. He’s certain he doesn’t know her, but he can spare a few minutes to remind her why people don’t walk into his Slat spewing nonsense.

“Send her up then.” He orders, turning to unlock his office. Evi dutifully retreats down the stairs with Lucas scampering after her. Kaz suddenly realizes the root of the problem. It has nothing to do with their inability to complete their simple task alone. In fact, he thinks Evi may be suited to more responsibility, but if she is not repeatedly distracted. “Evi, find someone to teach you to shoot. Lucas can handle any errands.”

He hears Evi’s excited tone and Lucas’s grumbling as he settles at his desk. Only moments later the soft thud of footsteps echoes up the stairs. This is one of the reasons he refuses to move to the first floor. Despite the hassle of climbing the stairs every day, he relishes the ability to study his visitors before the step into his office.

There is only so much footsteps can tell him, but he already knows she’s confident and unafraid. Her steps don’t hesitate. He also knows she’s not familiar with the Slat as the steps creak repeatedly and anyone who has spent time here knows how to avoid those spots. These two facts convince him that he has never met her. If she’s never been to the Slat, she’s not a friend or an old member of the Dregs and, if she’s not afraid of him, she’s not an enemy. And Kaz has yet to meet a person he can’t categorize as one of those things.

“Kaz Brekker.” 

She’s tall with dark hair and blue eyes. Middle aged, but with a young look in her eyes. There’s nothing special about her looks or clothing, but she holds herself like someone who is usually in charge. 

“Lara Meyer, I assume.” Kaz keeps his tone neutral for now, waiting to see what game she’s playing. “I am certain we have never met despite your claim.” 

She studies him. Too intently for Kaz’s liking, but he doesn’t fidget. Kaz would typically glare at her until she spoke, but her staring is starting to unnerve him.

“What business?”

“I’m your mother.” 

He’s never heard that lie before. Though Ketterdam is full of scam artists, most are too afraid to try to pull anything on him. Those that are brave enough quickly realize their mistake.

“Really?” He doesn’t bother hiding his usually cutting tone now. “Close the door. I’m curious how far you are willing to take this lie.”

She closes the door but doesn’t look afraid, “I was looking for you in the wrong place. I didn’t realize you came to Ketterdam.”

“I didn’t. I was born here.” He replies coldly. “If you did any research, you would’ve known that. I have no mother but Ketterdam.”

Lara presses on, “Where is your brother?”

“Brother?” Kaz says, quirking an eyebrow even as his chest tightens. He steps toward her, tapping his cane harshly against the ground near her foot. She finally reacts with something close to fear as the floorboards rattle with the impact. “Do you want to admit you’re a fraud or should I break your foot before we have that conversation?”

“Aren’t you Kaz Rietveld?” She asks.

“I don’t recognize the name. Should I?” He asks, but his voice is slightly off. His heart is beating too fast. Suddenly, he wishes he hadn’t walked closer to her because now they are too close. She knows his name which means she’s either the most cunning scam artist he’s ever met or her claim is true.

His father rarely spoke about his mother. It was always implied that she was dead, but he has no real proof. No grave they visited. No mention of a cause of death. No memorial date. 

“I-” For the first time, she looks uncertain. “I went back to the farm, but you weren’t there. I asked around and heard your father had died. I was finally able to find documents of your traveling here. I tried to find Jordie first. I thought he’d have a business by now, something I could track. Instead, I found you.”

“You have the wrong person.” He snaps at her. He can’t deal with this right now, not when memories are streaming through his mind and his carefully built persona is in danger of crumbling. 

“You look just like your father.” She says, smiling softly. “Kaz, I know I must’ve hurt you by leaving. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but you don’t have to push me away. If you want me to leave, I will, but I want to get to know you.”

She reaches to cup his cheek and he flinches. She looks stunned and hurt as he backs away. He sits at his desk, blindly grabbing the nearest paper and studying it intently.

“Leave.” He growls when she continues to stare at him. 

“Kaz-” She starts but is interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hey, Boss?” Lucas’s bright voice calls.

“Not now.” Kaz answers. He looks up to glare at the impostor still staring at him, “Lucas can show you out.”

“Boss?” Lucas calls again. 

Kaz has had enough today. He’s about to forcefully remove this woman from his office and tear Lucas’s head off at the same time. But before he can stand up, Lucas adds, “Sorry. It’s just that the Wraith was just sighted… You said to tell you right away…”

“Thank you, Lucas. You can escort my guest out and inform everyone that she is not welcome in our territory. Should they see her here again, they are to tell me immediately.”

Her face falls, “Please.”

“I am not your son.” He hisses as softly as he can, aware of Lucas just outside the closed door. “Just because we share a first name doesn’t make me him. Kaz Rietveld is not here. He’s probably dead. Now leave.”

She does. Kaz has never been as grateful as he is in that moment. As her footsteps fade away, he tries to push it from his mind, to get up and go to the harbor. He promised Inej he’d meet her there, but he doesn’t. He knows she will come to him. She will be disappointed, but at this moment her disappointment is more bearable than moving.

So when they meet again for the first time in months, it is not at the harbor. He knows she is there before he hears or sees her. He feels a shift in the air and instantly the tightness in his chest eases a little.

He turns to look at her. She is disappointed, but even that looks beautiful. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed her. Now, with her standing in front of him, he doesn’t know how he went months without seeing her.

“You didn’t meet me.” She says. Her hair is wind-swept and coming out of its braid and her skin is darker after days in the sun, but she is otherwise unchanged. 

“No.” He answers. She frowns, eyes filled with confusion and hurt. He quickly adds, “It was a tiring day, but I’m happy you are here.”

She lights up and laughs softly, “Tiring day? Kaz, it’s barely noon.”

He grimaces, making her laugh louder. He thought it would be hard, transitioning from talking through letters to being together again, but it isn’t. He started opening up to her while she was away, sharing his thoughts and some of his emotions. He realized that he can’t lose her.

“I want to hear about your travels.” He tells her. 

“I already wrote to you about all the interesting pieces.” She replies. “Let’s get waffles and I’ll try to think of another story to share.”

“I want to hear about all of it,” he says, “but let’s stay here.”

“Are you alright?” She asks. Her eyes search for answers. When he looks away from her intense gaze, she just nods. He wonders if she found her answers. 

Inej hops on to his bed, waiting. She re-braids her hair while he locks the door. He takes off his gloves while she settles. She stretches while he gets comfortable on the other side of the bed. Once they are both content, she starts talking. 

He listens, lulled by the familiar sound of her voice. Though his mind continues to spin, focused on the mystery of the woman who knows everything that he’s never told anyone. Even with the door locked and his Wraith back in Ketterdam, Kaz feels uneasy. 

  
For the first time in a long time, Kaz doesn’t feel safe in Ketterdam--in  _ his  _ city. He worked so hard to bury his past, but it may have caught up with him. He’s not sure which is worse: that the woman could be a cunning fraud who somehow discovered who he was, or that she might actually be his mother.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not perfect but at some point it is necessary to stop obsessing over every letter. I hope you enjoy it.

Kaz is surprised how quickly Inej and him fall back into their rhythm. He likes coming home to find Inej at his desk, bent over nautical maps, marking ports where slave trade is known to take place. She always stops as he takes a seat in the armchair so he tells her about his day. He complains and she offers suggestions. 

Though she no longer works for him, he finds a neatly written report on the Razorgulls newest safehouse the night after he confessed that he was starting to worry he was reading their scheme all wrong. Though he never promised her information, he finds himself asking his spiders for any information relating to slavers. 

Inej’s presence brings Jesper to the Slat more often. Wylan never joins him because it’s too dangerous for him to be caught mixing with a gang while he’s trying to establish himself as a trustworthy mercher. This leads to many dinners at his place. Inej convinces him to join half the time. 

Kaz has been tallying the number of times Inej wins and the number of times he is able to get out of dinner with an excuse. He’s determined to keep it fifty-fifty. Inej laughs when he tells her this late one night. 

“Not everything is a game to be won or lost, Kaz,” she says. 

“That’s what you would say if this was a competition and you wanted to win.” He answers just to hear her laugh again. He isn’t disappointed. 

Despite the ease with which they found a routine, Kaz knows eventually she will ask for more. He doesn’t blame her. If he’s honest, he wants more, but he doesn’t know what he can give her. So he waits. Let her push him. He knows it’s coming, but he’s more than willing to wait for a catalyst. 

On a Tuesday that is cold and dreary even by Ketterdam’s standards, he realizes that this strategy may have been the wrong one. 

Inej is walking beside him, no longer needing to tail him from the rooftops. It’s pleasant having someone to walk with. Inej occasionally makes small talk, but they mostly walk in comfortable silence. 

They are both tired and cold after a long stakeout. A rich mercher who has been pouring money into other gangs (Kaz’s concern) was rumored to be working with one of the biggest slaver groups (Inej’s concern). The stakeout was successful, but that victory doesn’t erase the bite of the wind, the ache in his knee, and the hours without sleep or food. 

They have just reached the edge of Dreg’s territory when a chorus of voices pulls him out of his thoughts.

“Kaz.”

“Boss!”

“Mr. Brekker.”

He looks up and feels his temper flare. Standing just inches from his territory is the person he’d hoped never to see again. 

Inej looks concerned. She has no idea who the woman is, or claims to be, but coming home to find people waiting on the border of your territory is never a good sign. On the other side of the invisible line, Lucas stands tall, looking excited to finally have some action during what should have been a dull few hours of border watching. 

“Boss, the Lara woman came back. I refused to let her on to our territory.” Lucas says proudly. 

“I can see that Lucas. Go back to the Slat. I’ll take care of this.” He waits while Lucas trips over his feet to follow his orders. “Miss Meyer, I am afraid you must have misunderstood our last conversation. I’m more than willing to break one or both of your kneecaps to make it clear to you. If that solution doesn’t appeal to you, I suggest you let me buy you a ticket out of Ketterdam. I’m sure I can find a boat still willing to sail.”

“Kaz, I am not here to repeat our last conversation. I just want to find your brother. He has the right to choose whether or not he wants me in his life.” 

Kaz steps forward ready to fulfill his promise, but Inej steps in between them. She looks confused, but also angry.

“I don’t know who you are, but you have no right to make demands.” She says, putting herself firmly between them. As if sensing the panic filling his chest, she adds, “Please, leave now.”

“I understand that you are protective of him, but I am not here to hurt him.” Lara answers. “I’m his mother.”

Kaz feels the ground drop. He can ignore this, but Inej won’t. His head spins. She’ll expect answers, answers he’s worked so hard to bury. It was hard to completely separate his past from his present, but there was never any overlap. Every piece of Kaz Rietveld died and Kaz Brekker was born, but now they are colliding.

Inej looks equally stunned. Her anger has faded, leaving her eyes wide with confusion.

“Kaz, is that true?” Inej asks. “Kaz?”

He can’t answer her. He doesn’t know if it is the truth or a lie. He’s not sure how to prove her claim. And worst of all, he’s not sure if it matters because either way Kaz Rietveld is dead. Kaz killed him when he pulled himself out of the water.

Taking advantage of his silence, Lara answers for him, “Yes, I’m his mother. He has made it clear that I am not wanted here, but I need to see my other son, Jordie. You are close to Kaz, perhaps you know him. Jordie Rietveld?”

“No. I don’t- Kaz doesn’t have a brother.” Inej says, looking uncertain and waiting for his explanation.

“Inej.” He forces himself to act. Anything is better than letting the liar control this conversation. “I’ll meet you at the Slat.”

Inej’s eyes flash, but he meets her gaze. She still hesitates, but eventually nods. It’s a testament to how out of her element she must feel, because normally she would insist on staying. Instead, she just says, “We’ll talk when you get there.”

It’s not supposed to be a threat but it sounds like one to him. He nods. One battle at a time. First he needs to deal with the impostor.

“I am not your son.” He tells her as Inej walks away.

“You don’t have to accept me, but I deserve to see Jordie. He deserves the right to choose. I asked around about you and it has become clear to me that you don’t need or want anyone in your life, but maybe Jordie does.” She says.

“Jordie’s dead!” He snaps before he can think. Saying that is almost admitting she’s right, but he can’t stop himself. He grows quieter after the outburst, “He died years ago. The plague. They both did. Your sons are dead.”

“Jordie’s dead?” Her voice is quiet. She actually looks sad and it startles Kaz because he had convinced himself she was a fraud. Still, it doesn’t change his mind.

“They both are.”

“No.” She says, stepping towards him only to be brought short by his cane hitting her chest. “Kaz, we can still be a family.”

“I don’t need you.” He hisses with as much venom as he can. “You aren’t my mother. I am motherless except for the corrupted city who made me.”

“You don’t have to be.” 

He is calmer now but just as firm. “In Ketterdam, the language of love is greed and money. If you want a family, I’m sure you can buy it for the right price. Unfortunately, I’m not shopping.”

She nods, an odd look coming over her face. Kaz can’t read her expression and it unnerves him.

“I understand.” She says, but the look in her eyes makes Kaz think she doesn’t. Yet she walks away, leaving Dregs territory without another word.

Kaz lets himself relax a little. One battle down. One left. 

The Dregs part faster than normal when he walks in. They know to scatter when his eyes are cold and his cane raps harshly against the ground. When Dirtyhands is present, people can’t run fast enough.

There’s probably some twisted humor to the fact that Kaz Brekker wasn’t far enough from Kaz Rietveld. He needed to push away his old life even more, to be Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel, the worst monster in Ketterdam. They say he fears nothing, but he was willing to become the Barrel’s own demon to avoid his past. What is Dirtyhands but a testament to his fear?

Once he’s reached the top of the steps out of the Dregs’ view, he lets Dirtyhands fall away. While Kaz Rietveld is gone, Dirtyhands too has vanished around Inej. 

There’s a chill in the room and the faint scent of the water. Kaz knows without asking that Inej stayed to listen. She must’ve doubled back to hide on a rooftop and listen then beat him here. It doesn’t make him mad. He just has to convince Inej of the impossibility and irrelevance of Lara’s claim.

“She’s not my mother.” He states.

The way she looks at him makes him want to confess his doubts and share his secrets. He finally understands why the religious go to confessionals. If the Saints were like Inej, he’d gladly fall to his knees before them.

“Who are Jordie and Kaz Rietveld?” She asks gently, half like she’s speaking to a scared animal, but also as if she herself is afraid of the question.

His brain scrambles for an excuse, for a way out. She knows he is weak, that he can’t bear her touch, that he isn’t the supernatural creature of the legends. He was willing to show her that, because those are all parts of Kaz Brekker. To tell her about his past is something else entirely. It is the thing he has been running from. So he takes off his gloves.

“Inej,” He says, setting them on his desk and stepping towards her, reaching for her covered arms. “They are nothing worth worrying about.”

She steps back, “Taking off your gloves is not the same thing as taking off your armor. Not when you use it as another way to hide from me. I never expected you to change instantly. I don’t expect you to share all your secrets with me yet, but you need to share this one. Whoever they are, whatever happened is too big of a secret not to tear us apart.”

Her eyes are sad and determined, identical to the night she first said those words to him. The sinking feeling in his chest tells him there is no choice this time. He cannot lose Inej. 

Pulling his gloves back on to protect him from the rising waters, he tells her the truth. He puts it as simply and vaguely as possible, but he tells her the truth.

“Jordie was my brother. We came to Ketterdam together. He died from the plague.”

It’s just three short sentences, yet with those three sentences she knows more about him than anyone else. Except, apparently, the impostor. 

“And your mother?” Inej asks. He is relieved that she doesn’t press, grateful that she can read him so well.

“Dead. She died shortly after I was born.” He says, adding, “That woman is definitely not her.”

Inej nods cautiously, “Then how does she know so much about you?”

“I don’t know. There were never many records of us. Though,I suppose it is possible she found one and correctly guessed that it used to be me.” 

When Inej doesn’t look convinced, he repeats, “She is  _ not  _ my mother.”

Without giving her a chance to answer, he turns the conversation to the mercher they had been staking out. Inej lets him, but he can tell by her expression that this conversation will be continued.

They spend the next hour deciding on a course of action. While they know the mercher has been connected with both slavers and other gangs, it is unclear what his plan is. There may not even be a plan. Kaz worries that this may be a scheme against him or Inej, but there is no proof; it may only be a way to make some extra money. In the end, they decide waiting is best and Inej slips out the window to visit Jesper and Wylan. 

Finally, Kaz has a moment alone. Exhausted, he gets into his bed and lets the relentless turning of his mind lure him to sleep. His dreams are full of blurry images of his childhood and unfamiliar voices, occasionally switching to Jordie’s corpse bobbing in the waves. 

He wakes suddenly, aware he was having a bad dream, but uncertain what woke him up. Then, as he slowly gains awareness, he hears someone climbing the stairs. Their gait is uneven and there is a loud thump after every step as if they are dragging something. 

Heart still pounding from his nightmare, he reaches for his cane and pulls the pistol from his desk. He positions himself, waiting for the door to fly open. Prepared for either an assailant or one of the Dregs.

He was not prepared for the door to fly open, revealing Lara dragging a bound and gagged mercher. She drops the mercher Kaz had been watching not five hours ago at his feet. The mercher’s eyes are wide with fear. The bruising on his head and arms as well as the mud on his clothing tells Kaz that she was not gentle with him.

Lara’s eyes are fierce. Though they are nothing like Kaz’s eyes in color, they burn with the same intensity as his do. She stares him down with this burning gaze. 

“Will this buy me a son?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I love to read your comments. Have a good one!


	3. Rumors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Some violence talked about. I don't think it's too graphic, but I wanted to give you all a heads up. Skip the first paragraph if you are worried.

The mercher was dead. Though the exact condition of his death was highly debated. Was he dismembered limb from limb and scattered in his front yard for his wife and child to find? Was his severed head left on a stake in the middle of the merchers’ district as a warning? Or did the mercher’s wife wake up to find his throat cut and an already cold pool of blood next to her?

Inej didn’t care which rumor was true. It didn’t matter, because none of them sounded like Kaz. Though Kaz is dramatic and ruthless in his punishments, she has never known him to involve innocent families or leave gruesome warnings. 

Better to steal someone away in the night and dispose of their body before dawn. Better to let the rumors spread on their own. Nothing scares people as much as the unknown. That was Kaz’s style. This was not.

But the rumors didn’t stop there. The rumors in Ketterdam were all about Kaz. Though he is always the talk of the town, these rumors worried her. They said Dregs who thought about betraying him went missing in the middle of the night and couldn’t be found the next morning. They said members of rival gangs were found dead on the streets, powerful members, members who shouldn’t have been easily bested. They said he’d summoned a demon from hell to do his bidding, or, perhaps, he was the devil and the demon was trying to please him.

All this in less than twenty-four hours. Between her leaving Kaz, having dinner with Wylan and Jesper, and sleeping through the night, Kaz is rumored to have staged some sort of execution of his enemies.

Inej knows better than to trust rumors, so she immediately goes to the Slat. But when she asks, Kaz is vague. 

“Did I summon a demon?” He shakes his head. “Inej, surely you hear how ridiculous that sounds.”

Inej is frustrated that he pulls out the one piece that is so absurd they both know it isn’t true and avoids the other possible though unlikely claims, “What about the other rumors, Kaz? I know your work gets messy, but this seems crueler than your usual form of punishment.”

“I may not have summoned a demon, but someone has decided to punish my enemies. Why should I stop them?”

Inej shakes her head. She would tell him her saints believe allowing and, perhaps, encouraging another’s crime is nearly as bad as committing it, but she knows that won’t appeal to Kaz. Instead, she says, “I would happily be your eyes and ears again. Let me find this person. If this continues too long, it could be bad for business. No one will make a deal if they fear you too much.”

Kaz frowns, “You may be right. Don’t worry though. I’ll handle this.”

His answer tells Inej everything she needs to know. Kaz may not have helped with the killings, may not have even ordered them, but he knows who did and he didn’t stop them. 

“Kaz,” Inej says softly. He turns back to her. She can tell he hears the warning in her tone. “If I were still on my ship, we would find this person and punish them. Ketterdam’s currency may be blood and violence, but, if these rumors contain even a single grain of truth, this person has gone too far.”

“You’re right, Inej. This person’s a monster.” 

She doesn’t know the look in his eyes. It is something she has never seen before. It falls somewhere near sadness and resignation, yet it also burns with defiance. And, perhaps, resembles how he looks at her when he thinks she’s not watching--longingly and desperately.

“Whatever happened last night. Fix it.” She tells him. Though it is cold, it is necessary if these rumors are to be believed. 

“Inej!” He stops her before she can leave. His tone as unfamiliar as the look in his eyes. “Will you come back?”

“Yes, Kaz.” She assures him. “But we both have business to attend to first.”

He nods and lets her leave. As she flies across the rooftops, she realizes what the look in his eyes was: conflict. He’s torn. And there’s only one reason Inej can imagine. Only one thing he wants. Though all of Ketterdam would say it’s kruge and Nina and Jesper would insist it’s her, Inej knows better. Kaz desperately wants to be loved.

He may say he merely assembled a team for a job, but he really put together a family. Though money has always been a driving factor, he rarely spends any of it. Instead, hoarding it as insurance. Insurance that he will be able to protect those around him. Kaz can be harsh with the Dregs but he fiercely protects them. That’s what Inej sees in him that everyone else seems to miss. 

Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, wants a family. It was foolish of her to brush off Lara as if Kaz would simply forget about her. Kaz is always trying to prove himself to her, to the Dregs, to the world. He doesn’t seem to realize that Inej already accepts him, loves him even with his armor. Jesper and Wylan look up to him. Nina asks about him frequently in her letters. But Kaz still feels that he needs to buy himself a family with kruge, ships, and information about slavers, so, of course, he would be drawn to a woman who seems to love him and care for him despite not knowing him. And if Inej knows Kaz, he will do anything to keep that love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's obviously been more than a week. Due to some health issues, my update plan fell apart. Luckily, I'm finally feeling back to normal thanks to some great doctors. However, I missed a ton of school and jumping back into college has not been easy. Finals are rapidly approaching, but I'd like to update at least twice before Christmas. The next chapter will follow shortly, likely this weekend. An even bigger thanks than normal to everyone who left kudos or commented. You helped motivate me to find the drafts I had written and get back into this story. Anyways, this is a really long note just to tell you what's up with updates. As always I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter or life or anything you have to say. Have a good one!


	4. Chapter 4

“Will this buy me a son?”

Kaz stares at the whimpering mercher in shock. Though years of practice keep his expression neutral, his heart is pounding and he has to grip his cane to stop his hands from shaking. Yet, he keeps the illusion of calm. He’s in control right now. Lara wants his approval. He’s in control.

Kaz pokes at the mercher with his cane, turning his head towards him. The mercher whimpers pitifully. There are Dregs decades younger than him who won’t cry as dramatically as he is. Kaz considers him, fully aware of Lara’s intense gaze on him. Leaning down, he rips off the gag, making the mercher sob harder.

“Well?” Kaz asks. 

The mercher is all too happy to plead for his life. Between sobs, he stammers, “I wasn’t trying to cause you any trouble, Mr. Brekker. They came to me for money. I would never, never have approached them.”

“Of course, they came to you, but I doubt you hand money to any beggar who enters your office.” Kaz snaps back. “You didn’t have to give them anything, so why did you?”

“I was afraid.” He cries. “I was afraid of what they’d do to me.”

“If you think they are scary, you really shouldn’t anger me.”

“I won’t, I won’t.” He says. “I’ll do whatever you want. Please, I’ll never lend them money again. Please, don’t kill me.”

Kaz believes him. He’s just another stupid mercher who thought investing in a gang would help earn him some money on the side, but he chose the wrong one to invest in. Still, Kaz would let him go if he was also involved in the slave trade.

“What about the girls?” 

The mercher’s eyes grow frantic, “What girls?”

“The girls who you arranged to be sold.” Kaz growls. “The girls you made money off of--money you used to build a name for yourself.”

“I’m not involved with that anymore. Please, that was years ago. They tried to bring me back in recently, but I sent them away. I don’t want anything to do with that anymore.” 

Kaz almost lets him go with nothing more than a handful of broken bones and a warning about what will happen if they have to repeat this discussion, but then he adds, “It was just a dozen or two girls. Who cares? Worse things happen everyday in Ketterdam.”

It’s true. There are many monsters in the Barrel and hundreds of nightmarish acts happen everyday, but brushing this act off is the wrong move. It’s not his fault really, how could he know that Kaz can only think of Inej, terrified and alone? How could he know that Dirtyhands, who doesn’t care about immoral deeds or justice, would care about those girls? But he does, because Inej cares and that ‘who cares’ could’ve been said about his Wraith. 

Kaz brings his cane down hard on the mercher’s head, knocking him unconscious. He'll deal with him later. Struggling to keep his neutral facade, he turns to Lara. 

“Any one of the Dregs could’ve brought him to me. They are just as desperate as you to prove themselves to me. If this was your attempt to impress me, you should’ve chosen something bigger. You’re nothing special.” He meets her gaze as he twists the knife, hoping this time she will understand that he wants nothing to do with her, fake or not. “There is nothing you can offer me that I don’t already have.”

Her eyes flash, but, after a moment, she smiles. She grabs the mercher’s limp form, throwing him over her shoulder. She laughs, “You want to test me. I would expect nothing less from my son. I suppose one mercher hardly makes up for the years I missed. Very well, I’ll play by the Barrel’s rules.” 

With that she disappears back down the steps, leaving Kaz confused and anxious. He paces nervously, waiting for her return, but, after an hour, he settles at his desk. Staring blankly at the paperwork before him, he can’t help wondering what she will do. He won’t lie; her determination intrigues him. His mother or not, she does seem to care. 

The hours pass slowly. He tries to get some work done. He begins to think she won’t return. He convinces himself that that would be for the best. His curiosity grows. His worry does too. He considers having a drink. He rarely drinks. His mind is his best weapon and he needs it sharp. He waits. 

As the first bit of color appears on the horizon, he hears steps on the stairs. Instantly, he straightens, nervous and a bit excited. 

“He died painfully as you wanted.” Lara says as she walks through the door, closing it behind her. 

Did he want him to die painfully? Maybe. Kaz wanted him to be afraid, to suffer as those girls did, but those lessons can be taught without torturing a man to death. But Kaz didn’t kill him, so what’s the harm really. This was Lara’s vigilante mission.

“I also had the opportunity to take care of a few of your enemies in other gangs.” She says. When he still doesn’t respond, she adds, “I thought about cleansing the Dregs of any half-hearted members, but I assume you are already keeping an eye on them. I didn’t want to overstep.”

He studies her. If her claims are to be believed, her skills would be useful. It’s dangerous. She doesn’t seem willing to let go of her claim that she’s his mother. He can’t have her around the Dregs. He can’t risk the questions. No one can know about her or the carefully constructed backstory he’s created will fall apart. It would be safer, smarter to send her away. There’s really no debate. He should get rid of her.

“Kaz? Have I earned a son?” She smiles, but looks worried.

She came back. Again and again. She obviously cares about having his approval. He can keep her hidden, just until he tests her claims. 

“You’ve earned a chance.” 

Her whole body sags with relief. Then she’s reaching for him, he barely has time to avoid her grip. She stops short, clearly remembering his previous reactions to her approach. 

“You can’t stay here. You can’t talk with the Dregs. I don’t want anyone knowing your here.”

She nods still smiling, “Of course, Kaz. Whatever you need.” 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

The rumors surprise him. He is careful not to react to them when Inej tells him, but he files each one away. Inej is right: He’ll have to talk to Lara. He can’t have her running around doing whatever she wants. Keeping control is a delicate matter, he’ll need to make this clear to her. 

Though, he is impressed by her commitment. He immediately feels guilty for this thought. Inej was right again: These acts are monstrous. But wouldn’t she also say that everyone deserves a second chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As I said last chapter, I'm not sure exactly what my update schedule will be, but I will be continuing so don't fret. I'd love to hear your thoughts, don't be shy about commenting. Have a good one!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's kind of just to set it all up, but let me know if you are interested in more. I'd love to hear your reactions, questions, corrections, or just about your day! Have a good one!


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